Tag Archives: Black Friday

‘Twas the Dawn of Black Friday

‘Twas the dawn of Black Friday

and all through the malls

custodians were cleaning

the restrooms and halls.

While millions of morons

were starting to sweat

their battle’s beginning

accruing more debt.

Crazy consumers camped out

with high hopes that they’d be

the first five hundred in

for a free DVD.

They froze all night long

in their cheap plastic tents

just so they could save

a few dollars and cents.

The Walmart chain cheered

at the first signs of cash

glad that their patrons

don’t mind being smashed.

They don’t even care

if their cashmere’s one-ply

and their silk feels like poly

with its bleeding, blue dye.

It’s okay, if you gouge them

’cause they’ll always return

if only for refunds

they’ll just never learn.

Only offer them discounts

on diapers and dips

and long purple nails

to match lavender lips.

Make them think that they’ve saved

a big bundle on booze

bait and switch, if you can

as a retail ruse.

Most of your items

are made overseas

by bored Asian workers

to save you huge fees.

You could make crap here

give Americans jobs

but benefits are costly

they don’t deserve, slobs.

Much more money is made

shipping everything out

and then blame the economy

for financial clout.

The ordeal was finally finished

and all across the nation

underpaid employees

were picking up PlayStations.

They were ready to retire

shopping sheeple wouldn’t leave

until there were no Nikes left

and no one left to grieve.

Opt Outside


This year on Black Friday

all REI stores

are gonna be closed

and they’re headed outdoors.


Employees will be paid

to get on their bikes

and kayak, canoe

or do some great hikes.


Staff won’t sacrifice

time with family and friends

just to make money

they’re bucking the trends.


Put people over profits

and it’s about time

to view corporate greed

like it’s social slime.


So kudos for courage

let’s all celebrate

and enjoy Mother Nature

the shopping will wait.