Tag Archives: Comic Christmas

‘Twas the Blight Before Christmas

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Twas the blight before Christmas, and all through the malls

shoppers were schlepping, and crowding the halls

with minimal money, their credit cards maxed

people all praying, that they wouldn’t be taxed.

Frantically circling, big box lots in a hurry

for fear stores could run out, then they’d have to worry

or their bosses’ berate, due to lack of gift wrap

it’s expected you cover, the cheap Chinese crap.

Kmart cashiers, and bell-ringing elves

were busting their asses, folks restocking shelves

the Scrooges amongst us, hid inside their homes

whispering “humbug,” and kvetching on phones.

A coffee cafe, with bagels to nosh

was welcoming us, when snow started to slosh

and after our lattes, with energies high

resumed retail assault, without wanting to cry.

What will we buy bubbe, don’t know about dad

and morose manicurist, who seems to be sad?

let’s not forget Fred, he’s the dude who takes trash

maybe a fruit cake, or a few bucks in cash.

The kids all need stuff, for their favorite teachers

let’s not neglect too, the neighborhood preachers

and while we’re at it, a doorman or two

if you live in Manhattan, and might be a Jew.

It’s so hard to decide, if a present is right

that sometimes it’s better, to offend or to slight

we could simply play dumb, and pretend we forgot

’cause we’re moving to Maine, and our memories’ shot.

Let’s say “screw it all,” and drink plus indulge

we’ll start diets next month, when we deal with our bulge

so it’s been decided, to skip the whole craze

we’ll try again sometime, for the future holidays.