Twas the blight before Christmas, and all through the malls
shoppers were schlepping, and crowding the halls
with minimal money, their credit cards maxed
people all praying, that they wouldn’t be taxed.
Frantically circling, big box lots in a hurry
for fear stores could run out, then they’d have to worry
or their bosses’ berate, due to lack of gift wrap
it’s expected you cover, the cheap Chinese crap.
Kmart cashiers, and bell-ringing elves
were busting their asses, folks restocking shelves
the Scrooges amongst us, hid inside their homes
whispering “humbug,” and kvetching on phones.
A coffee cafe, with bagels to nosh
was welcoming us, when snow started to slosh
and after our lattes, with energies high
resumed retail assault, without wanting to cry.
What will we buy bubbe, don’t know about dad
and morose manicurist, who seems to be sad?
let’s not forget Fred, he’s the dude who takes trash
maybe a fruit cake, or a few bucks in cash.
The kids all need stuff, for their favorite teachers
let’s not neglect too, the neighborhood preachers
and while we’re at it, a doorman or two
if you live in Manhattan, and might be a Jew.
It’s so hard to decide, if a present is right
that sometimes it’s better, to offend or to slight
we could simply play dumb, and pretend we forgot
’cause we’re moving to Maine, and our memories’ shot.
Let’s say “screw it all,” and drink plus indulge
we’ll start diets next month, when we deal with our bulge
so it’s been decided, to skip the whole craze
we’ll try again sometime, for the future holidays.