Tag Archives: Life After Death

Save Your Breath: Life After Death

Unlike many people, death holds no fears for me. I can think of many things that are more frightening than death, like: brutal bikini waxes, spending a day at Walmart the day before Christmas,  and running out of Charmin when I’ve eaten too many cherries. I’ve never viewed death as “The End,” but rather as an extended vacation from being alive. I think of death like a Club Med trip, but without the expensive tipping,  lousy lays, and scorching sunburns.

I believe in reincarnation, but I don’t remember my previous lifetimes in detail. That’s just as well. I don’t want to discover that I was a French hooker who gave freebies to corrupt politicians, or a dictator who murdered millions of people. The odds are, however, that I was merely one of the mundane masses. I was probably some Ordinary Jo (my middle name), who toiled at a mediocre job simply to survive. That makes sense to me. How many people could possibly have been famous in another life? Do the human math. Although I’ve met folks who claim that they used to be Cleopatra, Gandhi or the Virgin Mary. Unfortunately, their present lives are usually a far cry from their illustrious pasts.

If only we could control who we’d become, in our next incarnation. I’d be the first in line for long legs, corkscrew curls, an Albert Einstein IQ, and a talent for predicting winning race horses. But alas, we’re at the mercy of karma, chance and fate. I didn’t request the Midwest this time around. I disliked the bitterly cold winters and the toil of shoveling snowy sidewalks. My preference would’ve been some exotic location, like a tropical paradise with nubile youth, nimbly placing peeled grapes between my lips.

Maybe if I accrue enough karmic “Brownie Points” in this life, I may have more leeway in my next. But I’ll never know until I die and return, if this theory is valid. So in the meantime, I try to live the best that I can. It’s a toss of the “karmic coin” as to one’s outcome anyway. I’ll do whatever I can to avoid the future dire consequences of my negative actions now. I’ve vowed to pay my bills on time, rarely eat fast food, and never hide organic cookies from my husband. Unless, they’re from Whole Foods.