Tag Archives: Painful Pooping

The Booty Blues


 When I went to the restroom, it was time to squat and push

then later in the afternoon, I had a tender tush

perhaps it is a Jewish curse, it runs in my family

you could almost trace it, through our old ancestral tree.

It all started back in Poland, and continues ’til today

my bubbe suffered soreness, and my ancient Auntie Rae

they used some oily ointments, and many were outlandish

some were even South American, created by the Spanish.

Witches and warlocks whipped up brews, a few were rather stinky

they threw in goat appendages, and a butcher’s torn off pinky

they had no Preparation H, nor doctors to consult

it was flying by the seat of pants, and dreaming of results.

Their endeavors were exhausting, all they wanted was relief

an end to all the itching, that gave them so much grief

so may their booties rest in peace, I’m still searching for a cure

I’ll drive now to the drugstore, and a cream I will procure.