Tag Archives: Toilet Lids

Dude, don’t be rude

Put Me Down

I just went to the restroom at a local coffee cafe, and I was forced to put the toilet lid down. Again. I’ve had it. I’m so sick of doing men’s dirty work for them that I’m ready to revolt. What is it with you guys?! How much effort could it take to put the damn lid down? You had the strength to lift it up.

Maybe it’s simply a matter of gender miscommunication. So I’ll give you guys the benefit of the doubt. I’ll assume that your inconsideration is due to external influences, like: your toilet training was interrupted, you have more important matters on your mind, or you’re too busy writing your phone number on the wall. But whatever the case may be, the end results are both annoying and irritating. To millions of women not just me.

If we can put a man on the Moon, why can’t that man put the lid down? (Fortunately, astronauts don’t have to worry about that issue.) It’s not that difficult. All you have to do is shake and zip, while your other hand is lowering the lid. It’s basic physics: what goes up, must come down.

I propose that someone invents a device that won’t open the door, until the toilet lid is in its proper place – down. Mere words won’t work to change your boyish behavior, but this sure will. Think of it as a Pavlovian, poddy re-training technique. Once men realize that they’re temporarily trapped, due to their own laziness, they’ll change. Instantly. Because if they don’t obey the restroom rules, they’ll spend hours leaning on latrines. ( An auto-release will eventually free them.) Without any food, sex, or the Super Bowl, because the only bowl that they’ll be seeing is a toilet bowl.

There’s a fatal flaw to my idea: men won’t allow this to happen. Since it’s still primarily a man’s world, men are running even the shit show. The Johns are in charge of the johns. At least, for the foreseeable future. So I’ll have to grit my teeth as I lower the lid. And write another nasty note to tape to the wall: “Your mother doesn’t live here and neither do I.”